Discovering Pelvic Pleasure... a personal story
When I was 2, I was crawling around in my diaper in a furniture store, and got stuck on the horizontal bar between chair legs. I held for a moment in curiosity. What was that sensation? No one told me being in a body could feel this good! My mom caught wind of what I was doing and slightly angled herself away, so the salesman couldn’t see me. I followed my bliss while my mom negotiated to buy that table and chair set.
I continued to explore pleasure throughout my childhood. I’d run outside to catch warm rain on my skin during an electric thunderstorm, or find myself playing a game of “house” as the dad just so I could be seduced by the mom (well hello there gender binary roles!). My parents never shamed me for the discoveries I made, and I was able to embody a sense of freedom in sensual play. Looking back, it feels like a miracle! Pleasure was never something I feared.
But once puberty hit, body dysphoria and self-harm set in. My body’s topography no longer felt like mine. After many adult years of making decisions around pleasure from a disconnected place, it dawned on me that it could be different. I didn't have to give offer my pleasure to others, nor did I have to prioritize other's pleasures all the time. As I reacquainted with my own pleasure, I found myself going back to that original experience, totally titillated by the primal delights of being in a body. Minus the awkward salesperson (and my mom!).
I share this story because it can be wildly insightful to track our journeys of self-pleasure. How did we learn about our self-pleasure? When has it been resourcing, when has it been draining? Are there times it's non-existent and we don't even notice? Giving time to reflect and wonder helps us connect the dots in our lives around our own intimacy. Get more intentional about bringing qualities we crave into our solo sex. Sharing my story with you, I see how spontaneity and curiosity lends itself to my pleasure experience, and how important those are in my life today.
What is your current relationship to self-pleasure, and where could it sprinkle more magic into your life?
