Freeing Pleasure from Shame: A communal erotic practice
Published 23 days ago • 3 min read
Hello Reader,
What a summer it's been! As we drop in towards October, my soul always takes a big exhale out... the expansion of summertime coming to a close. How 'bout you?
Last newsletter I shared about the big birthing process of InterPlay and I'm happy to say, all us organizers made it to the other side! The birth was ecstatic, full of surprises and stretch marks, and so many potent connections across various communities were vitalized. We needed this.
In today's newsletter, I'll be sharing about a communal erotic practice I led at the festival, and how freeing pleasure from shame is vital to our world.
"I was amazed at how much I was moving energy. I kept leaping to my feet to dance with the pulse of sounds and energy swirling in the room. I cried for my parts that always knew this type of trust and rapture was possible. Felt my ancestors cheer us on. Touched the wounds we collectively carry around our sexuality and pleasure bodies. Affirmed this work as pleasure activism, as body sovereignty, as community healing."
Last weekend I had the immense opportunity to hold 12 humans through a communal erotic practice at InterPlay, a PanQueer intimacy festival. This is one of my favorite offerings, as it connects two crucial ingredients for erotic liberation: building trust in community while tending our own body sovereignty.
Group of people sitting in a circle in a cozy room
First, what is a communal erotic practice!?There must be thousands, millions, trillions of communal erotic practices humans and non-humans have played into existence! Especially when we stretch the definition of “erotic” out of the confines of “sex”...
Erotic as full-bodied aliveness, noticing internal sensations, moving towards what feels good
Now bring all that into a group space and how interesting to see, many of us feel naughty, subversive, perhaps a bit deviant exploring our erotic bodies in the same room together. Why is that? More on that question later.
The communal erotic practice I was taught is made up of a these key elements:
Create your own cozy nest
Gather pleasure toys and tools
Drop into an intention of why you’re here
Listen to other people’s intentions & get to know what’s in the room
Press play on a music setlist that builds energy, supports the container, and isn’t too wordy (here’s the one I played at the festival)
Explore your own body, sensations, eroticism in the company of others doing the same (with respect for others’ space, no touch or elongated staring). Could look like dancing, touching yourself, massaging, breathing, moaning, crying, laughing, releasing…
Notice what comes up & revisit your intention like a meditation
When the music ends, lay in silence and savor, held in this communal container
Come back to verbal presence with others, share what you learned if desired
Sound like an edgy practice you might want to explore? A familiar experience you know something about?
Shadow overlayed on colorful circles overlapping with a line of light shining through the center
Some intentions I’ve heard over the years of engaging in this practice:
To move energy
To explore slow pleasure
To re-meet one’s body post-surgery
To re-connect to one’s pleasure after trauma
To build trust with friends, build trust in the collective
To hear sexy sounds, feel sexy vibes, be in the cacophony of pleasure
To commit to self-pleasure with the help of friends (parallel playing/body doubling)
To contradict puritanical programming &free pleasure from shame
Do any of these intentions resonate with you?
Facilitating this at InterPlay, I was amazed at how much I was moving energy. I kept leaping to my feet to dance with the pulse of sounds and energy swirling in the room. I cried for my parts that always knew this type of trust and rapture was possible. Felt my ancestors cheer us on. Touched the wounds we collectively carry around our sexuality and pleasure bodies. Affirmed this work as pleasure activism, as body sovereignty, as community healing.
The day after the festival, I laid in my backyard under the dappled sun and dreamed of hosting one in a beautiful nature spot. I laughed at how simple this practice is. A group of beings with intentions for healing. Cozy things and a playlist. How many beautiful ripples out? How many needs met? Freeing pleasure from shame can look so many different ways, and this is definitely one of them.
Human laying in grass, tickling their face with a flower
